Returning

I am so sorry I was gone so long family and friends. Just a little bit about what was happening to me. As you know i suffer from PTSD and mental disabilities that are probably not diagnosed. Depression is a huge factor in my life, and unfortunately when I spiral I spiral fast and hard. I see my hopes and dreams lying on the ground and I just don’t have the strength to pick them up right away, although I don’t stop trying. hence, why I have returned. I can’t say that I am fully ok, I am not even sure what ok means. I guess ok for me is writing to you all again and not sitting or rather laying in my room in the dark with the lights out. Geez just sharing that with you all makes me want to cry. i just want to send a huge thank you and much Love to my sister Tyra who called me every day and talked about the blog and encouraging me to start sharing again and to crotchet, which I love to do. not once did she berate me or shame me about my situation, she totally understood were I was at and she just extended a loving hand to try to raise me from my abyss. Thank you my sister I love you more than words can say!!!!

To all the people that read my story and relate, empathize or just try to understand, Thank you!!! You also were instrumental in bringing me back to a semblance of normalcy for me. I do not like surviving this way, it is painful, and heartbreaking, but I have moments even days were I am grateful to be alive. I also want to thank my Dog buddy who stays with me 24 seven and gives me comfort and and a life line to climb when I am ready. Just a note this is a draft and we have much editing and adding to do to previously written material. It is astounding how many memories start coming back when you start to talk, share and think about your life.

I know I was gone a very long time and much happened in the time that I was gone. I am not sure if you all want me to continue on were I left off or would you like to more about what happened to me while I was gone? I will live it up to you my friends as I will talk about it either now or later , depending on which road you want to travel with me. forewarning, while I was in my own dark place I was off my med so some of what I share is disturbing and dark, mental illness is disturbing and dark. I wait for some feed back on what you want to read first my long struggle with my mental illness episode or about my social work career. If it is about what happened while I was gone and not writing, that is fine. personally I would want to know what happened while I was gone.

Just want to clarify gone means gone into my head which for me is a very dangerous place to be, as you will read if that is what you want to hear about first. any way I am rambling, it feels good to be back and I wait for you to say what you prefer to hear about first my social work or the long episode and struggles I was having for actually the last couple of years. The events are over a period of time. I am back and Glad to be Back!